Abandonment, Rejection and Paralysis

 

I have grown up in a home with a mother and father who are followers of Jesus. My parents are children of the living God. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. When you grow up in a home like the one I had you do not experience rejection, abandonment or emotion paralysis. God is faithful to those who put their faith in Him.

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. (Heb 13:5-6)

There is no more crippling event in the life of a person than to be abandoned by those they hold most dear. As I have said it is not an experience I am well acquainted with in my own time but I have witnessed it a number of times. What I am realizing is the rejected will often times reject to prevent future abandonment and will over time become emotionally paralyzed. The initial rejection causes rejection and everyone gets to be rejected.

It is painful to see someone consumed with the hurtful events they have experienced. God is the only one with the answers. I will relate a thought I had last night that is a bit abstract but had some meaning to me. I will just type it out as it comes to mind.

Eyes are like windows and gazing is like a beam of light. I know when my gaze is not met by someone I love there is darkness. As I turn my head here and there the beam of my gaze crosses the beam of another’s gaze. I am very disrupted when a dear one avoids my gaze or when in my own heart I am unwilling to meet the gaze of another because of my own dark thoughts. Like beams of light faster than the blink of an eye vision is communication. After sight may come sound. Words to make the vision clearer or to hide the truth in the light of the eyes.

The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness. Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness. If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light. (Luk 11:34-36)

When anyone I know well and am in close communication with is rejected it either shakes them and causes them to doubt everyone they hold dear around them or it drives them to seek out those few who they are convinced will not harm them. It is understandable when they break the closeness to protect themselves but no less painful. When they will not be seen and will not listen you are shut out. It is within everyone's power to completely die to another.

Here is the word I live by that helps me to fight this selfish impulse to abandon people to save myself from pain or discomfort. It is only God who can do this work in His children and it is a work He is continually doing in this disobedient child's life.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (1Jn 4:18)

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. (1Co 13:1-13)

At the heart of all of this is the God given desire to family. To be loved for who we are and to be free to love without the fear of rejection. When someone is rejected they learn to reject. Sometimes this rejection causes the one you love to die enough inside they will not give you audience to hear what you have to say. Pray to God that you may know the truth and that the rejected will know the truth. The truth is freedom.

What I would say to the rejected is this: We will all die and this is why we must all learn to live in the now. We must not brutalize ourselves with what might be in the future. Live right now in the present circumstance with God as your guide. Do not take on responsibilities that belong to others. Know full well what your responsibilities are and give God the responsibility to heal those who have rejected you. With the Holy Spirit as your guide cast out fear and love those who have proven their love for you. Cast out the shadow of rejection and abandon the expectations you have locked to those you look to for healing and love them right where they are at. There is no circumstance that God cannot turn to joy. Parents show your children how a child of God can thrive even in the face of rejection. God will never reject or abandon us. We do not need to be destroyed by rejection. Parents teach your children.