A place that is completely familiar can suddenly become as foreign as the other side of the world. It is not often but there have been times in my life when I have found this to be true. It most cases it is not the surroundings, unless of course you factor in some catastrophic natural disaster that radically changes the landscape you once found familiar. In most cases it is a shift in relationships.
A change in leadership and values without a change in direction can so change the social dynamic of a place you find yourself feeling lost. It becomes increasingly more difficult to gracefully fit in as you once believed you did. This is the natural course of things after years of watching those you know so well grow older and turn their focus in new directions.
One thing I do find the hardest to process is letting people down. On so many occasions I have felt an expectancy from others as to who I might be to them as time passed. I have seen the light in their eyes fade as I have failed them. It is never more heart breaking than when in the mind of a little one they decide we are to be the one who rescues them from the tragic circumstances they find themselves in.
You know by their complete and unmerited trust they are looking for a savior. You know you are powerless to do anything but show them the love of Jesus in that moment you have with them. You tell them Jesus loves them when you say goodbye knowing full well they are returning to the torment of a home life in chaos and possibly even abuse.
The saddest moment of all is that moment when you know they understand you can do nothing. You hope against all the odds they decide not to count you among their tormentors for you failure to stop the pain, only to have them begin to keep their distance. It is not easy for anyone, even a child to step into the moment when they recognize they are loved unconditionally without the shadow of the rejection they have experienced tainting the present.
You can pray but I get so mad when I pray and nothing changes. I know it is pride but I still get angry. Grown ups are the walking dead, I am the walking dead. None of us live in Christ-likeness powerful enough to transcend our own insecurities and so we all fail to be open and honest. We all fail to walk in the light. We are all strangers to each other. Strangers who are the best of friends rapidly moving to our graves.
The people answered him, We have heard out of the law that Christ abideth for ever: and how sayest thou, The Son of man must be lifted up? who is this Son of man? Then Jesus said unto them, Yet a little while is the light with you. Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whither he goeth. While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the children of light. These things spake Jesus, and departed, and did hide himself from them. But though he had done so many miracles before them, yet they believed not on him:
(Joh 12:34-37)
